Shy Dreamer
Age 12
Have you ever had one of those dreams where the building is on fire, and you yell for everyone to get out? You hold the door for them, sweat dripping down your face, making sure that everyone is out before you heroically join them; only to find out that your love was not amongst the crowds. With a determined face, you rush back into the building despite the people’s persuasions not to do it. No, not in the closet… no, not under the desk… there! Crushed, by the massive ceiling beam! “I’ll get you out, don’t worry,” you say in a hurry, yet with a touch of passion to convey your emotions towards the love. “No!” The door is blocked by an inferno of flaming boulders… the only way out is the window. “Close your eyes… and keep your head down.” You embrace…
At that moment, the camera shifts to the view from the outside, where anxious crowds are huddled in worried little circles. Suddenly, there’s a crash! Someone drops out of the window and hits the ground hard. He has saved his love!
Please tell me I’m not the only one with a wildly over-romaticized sub-conscience. Either way, I started speaking in my mind moreso than outloud. Somewhere in those thoughts, I had a yearning to be accepted, and to be popular…
Now that I was athletic, it was also much easier to be cool (and hence popular). The turning point, if I had to choose one, may have been the day I was picked first in touch football to be quarterback. It got kicked up a notch the next time when I was actually the one doing the picking!
I don’t know what appealed to me about being with the popular group. Maybe because the girl I liked at the time was popular…
I knew deep down that I was not the type to act above everyone else, to hang out in elite circles, and to slack off in work that I know should be done. My theory now is that it’s a phase. It’s like the people who say “don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it.” I tried that lifestyle, and I found it wasn’t really for me.
Some good did happen to come of it though. I gained back the confidence that I had lost for a moment when I was becoming shyer and quieter. I also cut my hair from a cowering, long, and disorganized cut to a short, lively, and open cut. I actually analyzed all the cool kids in the school to see why they looked so confident, and I concluded that it was because they all had a lot of forehead showing. This is top secret intelligence I’m sharing here by the way… it took many hours in front of the mirror to figure this out. The end result was the ”flick’ hairstyle. Hello hair gel…
It was also during this time that I really wanted to make something of myself. All those childhood tapes about Napoleon, Confucius, and Beethoven were listened and re-listened to, books read and re-read.
It was also a tough time for my family, which I bet also contributed to my new-found quiet nature. There were constant fights between my parents, my parents and grandparents… toss my sister in there too, swirl it all around, and that was my loving family. In fact, one night it got so bad, everyone cried except for me, who was sitting on my bed reading. Then my cat nudged open the door and sat on the bed next to me. Just like that, the two of us sat in silence as the war of words raged on below. I thought of heading down, but instead I just petted my cat and went to bed.
But, as the sheppard in The Alchemist learns, “all the world will contrive to help you towards your Personal Legend.” I believe my entire life has been blessed with inspiring and good-hearted teachers, friends, family, and even strangers. Trifles and quagmires such as these were but challenges on the journey to a better place. Little did I know I would soon meet one of the most influential of them all.
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